Misadventures in Texting
by chasingafterstarlight
Summary: The Victorious gang should really just never text each other. Especially not when they're having relationship issues. / Jade, Beck, Tori, Andre, Cat, and Robbie's texts. Slight Jade/Beck and Cat/Robbie.


**Misadventures in Texting**

_Text!fic. Jade/Beck, Cat/Robbie._

cat: hey

jade: i thought i asked you to stop texting me

cat: you did not make that clear

jade: whatever  
jade: just  
jade: have you talked to beck lately

cat: no  
cat: why do you always ask me that?

jade: nothing

cat: oooh do you still love beck?

jade: no

cat: AW THAT'S SO CUTE 33 u guys should get together and build a castle and get married

jade: NO

cat: but jade

jade: but nothing  
jade: stop texting me

/

jade: beckett

beck: jadelyn  
beck: i thought you weren't talking to me

jade: yeah well i have a question  
jade: and then i will never speak to you again  
jade: because i hate you

beck: yeah i got that  
beck: ask your question

jade: impatient much

beck: yes

jade: fine. look i need your help with something

beck: does it involve murder

jade: no!

beck: then yes

jade: you haven't even heard what it is yet!

beck: okay fine what is it

jade: look, there's this guy that won't leave me alone

beck: and

jade: and i need you to pretend to be my boyfriend

beck: what

jade: have you forgotten how to read  
jade: you imbecile  
jade: respond to my texts or i will cut off all of your hair during the night and I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

beck: just  
beck: fine

jade: LOOK I JUST  
jade: wait what  
jade: fine?

beck: yeah fine i'll do it

jade: oh  
jade: thanks

beck: when?

jade: tomorrow at school

beck: okay i'll be there

jade: of course  
jade: thanks

/

beck: i have to pretend to be jade's boyfriend

andre: wait what

beck: have you forgotten how to read  
beck: oh chiz  
beck: i'm turning into her

andre: why

beck: idk man she just asked me to and i said yes

andre: why would you say yes

beck: because we're friends

andre: since when

beck: since  
beck: I DON'T KNOW  
beck: it just seemed like the thing to do

andre: nah man i get you i'd say yes too

beck: wait what

andre: nothing  
andre: tori's here  
andre: gotta go

beck: ANDRE THIS IS NOT COOL  
beck: ANDRE HARRIS  
beck: ANDRE KEYBOARD HARRIS  
beck: i don't know your middle name so i made one up i think that's pretty clever  
beck: is keyboard even an acceptable name  
beck: fine then  
beck: BE THAT WAY

/

beck: are you with andre

tori: yeah were working on a songgg :]

beck: ok never mind tell him i'm never buying him frozen drink again

/

beck: you didn't tell me the guy who was interested in you was _sinjin_

jade: whoops must've forgotten to mention that minor detail

beck: he never left you alone when we were dating  
beck: why would he leave you alone now

jade: there's another guy actually, mr. smartypants

beck: you sound like a five-year-old

jade: i hate you

beck: i know  
beck: is that the guy?

jade: no, that's ronald mcdonald  
jade: YES THAT'S THE GUY

beck: okay no need for screaming  
beck: he's not attractive anyway

jade: are you kidding? he's gorgeous

beck: …

jade: too bad he's not my type  
jade: now kiss me 'boyfriend'

/

cat: YOU AND BECK R BACK TOGETHER?

jade: no

cat: BUT HE KISSED U :]

jade: i told him to

cat: that doesnt make sense!

jade: it's not supposed to  
jade: go annoy robbie  
jade: i hate beck

cat: okay! :}

/

cat: hey robbie  
cat: what language do they speak in cuba

robbie: Cubic.  
robbie: You told me this joke like five times already.

cat: i thought they spoke spanish! :(

robbie: Are you for real?

cat: well i'm not for fake! :'( see that guy is crying

robbie: I'm sorry! Don't cry :(

cat: okay  
cat: will you come see a movie with me and maybe my brother if he gets his head out of the toilet? :D

robbie: Why is his head in the  
robbie: Never mind.  
robbie: Be there in five.

/

cat: im at the movies :D  
cat: with robbie!

tori: okay and this is relevant becuz?

cat: IDK i thought you might wanna know! what's that supposed to mean? :(

tori: nothing! you guys r cute :{)

cat: oh thanks! now i gotta go; robbie dropped his phone in the punch :(((

tori: oh  
tori: um okay have fun :)

/

tori: um hi jade

jade: we're not friends

tori: i didnt even say anything :(

jade: i hate smiley faces

tori: sorry to offend you?

jade: yeah i don't care

tori: i just um wondered what was going on with you and beck

jade: we're just awkward exes

tori: oh  
tori: um  
tori: i saw you guys kissing tho

jade: yeah why do you care?

tori: i don't! i have a bf now :]

jade: yeah i don't care but i guess that's good  
jade: oh yeah i was wondering  
jade: want me to drive you to school tomorrow

tori: NO!  
tori: oh my gosh NO

jade: fine then  
jade: i'll find another victim  
jade: possibly beck

tori: why are we friends:(

jade: we're not

/

robbie: Look, I need some advice.

beck: welcome to my life  
beck: whaddya need nerdy boy

robbie: I told you not to call me that.

beck: yeah doesn't matter just ask your question

robbie: You're so impatient.

beck: I KNOW I DON'T CARE

robbie: Fine. When do you know if it's the right time to kiss a girl?

beck: whoa boy  
beck: who are you even trying to kiss  
beck: is there a girl who actually wants to kiss you

robbie: That's rude.

beck: sorry but srsly is there something wrong with her brain

robbie: It's Cat.

beck: oh  
beck: that explains it

robbie: You're so rude!

beck: yeah i know  
beck: well idk just go for it  
beck: that's what i did with jade

robbie: Yeah, and look how well that turned out.

beck: offensive

robbie: So are you!

beck: dude stop wigging out about everything  
beck: it's not a big deal just go for it

robbie: Says the guy who's scared of nothing.

beck: hey don't hate appreciate

robbie: Going now.

beck: i thought my advice was pretty good thanks

/

beck: look

jade: i really don't care

beck: you don't even know what i was going to say

jade: if it's something about our relationship, then don't say it

beck: i'm sorry

jade: wait what  
jade: continue

beck: i've been a jerk lately and idk you don't deserve that

jade: oh  
jade: thanks, i think

beck: can i make it up to you somehow?

jade: buy me ice cream

beck: …coffee-flavored?

jade: did you really expect anything else?  
jade: also can we do something illegal?

beck: no

jade: for me?

beck: still no

jade: you suck

beck: figured  
beck: how'd things go with that guy

jade: he finally decided to leave me alone  
jade: which means i am now completely free  
jade: i mean he was gorgeous but there are better looking guys

beck: are you hinting at something

jade: course not  
jade: come and get me, pretty boy

/

robbie: Do you know when it's right to kiss a girl? Beck had no useful advice.

andre: yeah beck's not the best person to go to for advice  
andre: your heart will tell you when the time is right

robbie: Are you turning into a hippie?

andre: nah man i just like to go with the flow

robbie: Do you listen to your heart?

andre: sometimes  
andre: why  
andre: I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING

robbie: Relax!

andre: SERIOUSLY NOT AMUSED

/

andre: tori

tori: andre

andre: tell robbie to stop texting me

tori: what is he texting you about :p

andre: relationship advice  
andre: i'm not good with relationships

tori: youre really not :{)

andre: you're one to talk, miss ryderstevendanny and need i even mention the thing with beck

tori: SHUT UP I TOLD HIM TO NOT KISS ME OKAY :(

andre: okay okay shutting up  
andre: but fo real tell robbie to stop

tori: how :*(

andre: stop with that face you know it makes me feel all guilty inside  
andre: I DON'T KNOW JUST TELL HIM THAT YOU'LL MAKE HIM A SANDWICH

tori: wait what

andre: I DON'T KNOW

tori: fine ill figure something out :(  
tori: go sleep or something!

/

tori: andre says dont text him for relationship advice!

robbie: Darn.  
robbie: Who am I going to text now? I need advice!  
robbie: Hey, Tori.

tori: NOT ME

robbie: Darn it.

/

robbie: Hey, Jade.

jade: go fall off a cliff

robbie: Will you give me some advice?

jade: never in a million years  
jade: i'd rather slam my tongue in a car door

robbie: Please?

jade: NO  
jade: actually you know what maybe

robbie: YES!

jade: but you gotta do something for me first

robbie: WHAT?

jade: find out if beck wants me back

robbie: How in the world am I supposed to do that?

jade: you'll figure something out  
jade: that is, if you actually do want my 'advice'

robbie: Fine!

jade: you have 24 hours  
jade: hurry up

/

robbie: Beck!

beck: what now

robbie: I have a question.

beck: why do people always say that before they ask a question  
beck: why can't they just SAY THEIR QUESTION

robbie: Okay, fine. Do you, erm, want a girlfriend?

beck: if you are offering it is a definite _no_

robbie: BECK! I am a boy. And I know someone who might be interested.

beck: not rex either

robbie: Seriously!

beck: fine idk i'm still kinda confused  
beck: on one hand i wanna get over jade  
beck: and on the other hand i don't…

robbie: What do you mean?

beck: nvm  
beck: TELL NO ONE ABOUT THIS

robbie: WAIT!

/

robbie: TORI!

tori: robbie srsly if this is another relationship advice thing I HAVE NONE :(

robbie: It's about Beck and Jade.

tori: …okay youre really creeping me out dude

robbie: No I MEAN. Does Beck want Jade back?

tori: idk man how would i know :(

robbie: YOU AND BECK WERE LIKE BFFS TWO DAYS AGO!

tori: no need to get so angry :'(  
tori: i don't know i'm pretty sure hes still in love with her 3

robbie: Can you find out for sure and send the text to me?

tori: um  
tori: i guess  
tori: seriously tho you need help with this issue

robbie: I HAVE NO ISSUES!

tori: yeah sure…

/

tori: beck  
tori: hey beck  
tori: answer your txts before i send jade over there cuz you know shed love to cut off all your hair (:

beck: i was asleep  
beck: can i get no peace

tori: yeah no okay anyway look i have a question :)

beck: STOP SAYING THAT  
beck: SERIOUSLY WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST TELL ME THEIR QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT THEY HAVE A QUESTION

tori: would you calm down omg

beck: no  
beck: fine what's your question

tori: do you want jade back or

beck: …what  
beck: i tried to kiss you like a month ago  
beck: what spurred this on? and why do you care?

tori: thats a lot of questions  
tori: why cant you just answer mine :(

beck: idk i think i do

tori: R YOU IN LOVE WITH HER OR WHAT

beck: …yeah

tori: CAN YOU SAY IT IN A DIFFERENT FORM PLS  
tori: LIKE 'I'M IN LUV WITH JADE WEST'

beck: i'm in love with jade west

tori: THANK YOU

beck: yeah that wasn't weird at all

/

tori: ok i just sent you the txt and a screenshot of the txt  
tori: now you have to love me 4ever :)  
tori: srsly though that was hard to get

robbie: Thank you so much!

tori: no prob  
tori: except next time pls enlist andre :p

robbie: I'll consider it.

/

robbie: Check out the pic I just sent.

jade: …how do i know this is legit

robbie: IT'S A SCREENSHOT.

jade: yeah but you can photoshop that chiz

robbie: CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ABOUT CAT AND THEN GO GET YOUR BOYFRIEND BACK? PLEASE?

jade: fine fine chillax dude  
jade: don't get your panties in a twist

robbie: JADE.

jade: cat likes cotton candy, unicorns, and the color pink, obviously. buy her a charm bracelet with a unicorn on it. hold her hand. play with her hair. and then when she's smiling at you, kiss her.

robbie: Really think that'll work?

jade: yeah now leave me alone  
jade: i've got work to do

robbie: Good luck.

jade: don't need it

/

jade: i need your help

cat: omg is this a group chat?

jade: please don't

tori: omg this is so cool :)

jade: i hate you both  
jade: but seriously  
jade: as tori's definitely aware, beck's still in love with me and i want him back  
jade: but i want him to beg for me back

tori: how do you even plan on doing that!

jade: yeah, that's where you two come in

cat: IS THIS A SECRET AGENT PLAN :D

jade: NO  
jade: well actually sort of  
jade: you see, i need you two to go in and plant the idea in his head that he needs to work for me back  
jade: you know that i'm moving on and he's really hurt me etc

tori: are you serious right now :O

jade: 100%  
jade: i don't waste my time

cat: WE'LL DO IT (:

jade: thanks, cat  
jade: vega?

tori: depends  
tori: will you give me a hug if i do it :D

jade: maybe

tori: …ill take it

/

tori: look beck you said youre still in love w/jade rite

beck: yeah what of it?

tori: i heard shes moving on dude

beck: …where did you hear that from

tori: IDK ITS A RUMOR GOING AROUND THE SCHOOL OKAY :(  
tori: dont question me!

beck: fine okay

tori: seriously tho if you want her back (which u obviously do) youre going to need to work for her back

beck: …i'll consider it

tori: you do that

/

cat: BECKKK

beck: okay what do you want cat

cat: can i ask you something :D

beck: STOP ASKING ME THAT  
beck: JUST ASK ME I'M NOT GONNA SAY NO

cat: …okay fine do you still love jade 3

beck: why is everyone suddenly asking me about her though

cat: answer the question :'( :'(

beck: fine yeah i do

cat: well then u need to go get her back!  
cat: you two are supposed to get married and live in a silver sugar castle and live happily ever after 3

beck: what  
beck: what even

cat: no srsly though i think she wants you to work for her back :)

beck: …okay  
beck: I GET IT

cat: no need to yell!

beck: …

/

beck: hey jade

jade: go away

beck: jade can you meet me somewhere please?

jade: well since you asked so nicely  
jade: NO

beck: no seriously i think that you'll like this

jade: does it have to do with scissors?

beck: maybe…

jade: fine i'll be there  
jade: when?

beck: thirty minutes

jade: kay  
jade: this better be worth it

beck: oh believe me it will be

/

robbie: Hey Cat, wanna go out for dinner tonight? :)

cat: yay! i love dinner :D of course i do!

robbie: Cool, meet me at 7 at Nozu?

cat: I LOVE NOZU! i'll be there (:

/

jade: hey cat  
jade: robbie's gonna kiss you tonight  
jade: do us all a favor and kiss him back

cat: how do you know?

jade: i know everything  
jade: seriously though, don't screw this up  
jade: i am _not _listening to his sad songs that sound like a dying cat for days on end

cat: i wont :)

jade: good

cat: and you need to move into a magic sugar castle with beck!

jade: no  
jade: now bye going to get ready for beck's 'surprise'

cat: have fun :D

/

jade: i legitimately cannot believe you

beck: why are you texting me

jade: because you're still hiding, you weirdo

beck: i'll come out if you promise not to kill me

jade: why would i kill you? this is amazing

beck: i love you  
beck: you know that right

jade: good  
jade: now come out here and say it to my face

/

robbie: I took your advice. I did everything the way you told me to. And Cat kissed me back.  
robbie: And now she's agreed to be my girlfriend.  
robbie: Seriously, thanks.  
robbie: I had my doubts, but they're all gone now.

jade: can you stop texting me  
jade: i'm trying to make out with beck okay

robbie: Well, I'm glad that worked out too.

jade: srsly dude this is beck  
jade: that ringing is annoying  
jade: let me make out with my hot girlfriend

robbie: …TMI.

/

cat: hey robbie :)

robbie: Hey, Cutie.

cat: I saw a heart at the mall and I thought of u :D and my brother but his toe is stuck in the faucet again

robbie: Aw, that's sweet.

cat: no but can you come help me!

robbie: Any time.

/

tori: seriously andre our friends are getting soooo annoying

andre: tell me about it

tori: do beck and jade ever come up for air!

andre: do you watch them omg

tori: …no omg do you

andre: …no

tori: want some cocoa :)

andre: anytime, muchacha

/

beck: i love you babe

jade: i hate you

beck: yeah that's what i thought  
beck: want some coffee

jade: always

beck: if you tell me you love me i'll give it to you

jade: this is seriously not fair

beck: hurry it up  
beck: it's getting cold

jade: you are the worst

beck: not earning you any points sweetheart

jade: i love you

beck: saving that to my phone

jade: GIVE ME MY COFFEE

beck: yeah yeah  
beck: also um NOT GONNA SAY I HAVE A QUESTION CAUSE THAT'S ANNOYING but i kinda do

jade: yeah?

beck: why did you pick me to be your fake boyfriend

jade: why do you think?

beck: because you love me

jade: yeah yeah close enough

beck: i'm honored

jade: you should be

/

jade: vega

tori: NO I WILL NOT GO TO THE CREEPY ABANDONED MALL WITH YOU  
tori: seriously jade you cannot get me to do all of the illegal things that beck wont do

jade: jeez i didn't even say anything  
jade: someone's quick to assume

tori: FINE what were you gonna say? :(

jade: will you go to the creepy abandoned airport with me

tori: NO!  
tori: also you still owe me a hug

jade: fine whatever

/

jade: beck seriously  
jade: going to a creepy abandoned airport is NOT illegal

beck: it's illegal in so many ways and no one is going to go with you also cat has plans with robbie so you can't manipulate her into going

jade: i really hate you

beck: love you too babe

/

**A/N: SO REALLY this was supposed to be a drabble but it ended up being 3000+ words because I cannot write drabbles and I decided to post it on ff. Any grammar mistakes are obviously intentional, since this is in text style. Hope you liked it :) Please review and don't fave without reviewing.**


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